Now. this is my first blog so im gonna use this as my diary.
9th August 2009

Hmmm... missing someone, im missing alot of people actually. I think to myself everyday, which means that i get lack of sleep. The Angel Of Death has left me, i dunno wheres hes gone but hes not in my dreams or watching over me. Its like im confused about myself. this happens every year, where im wondering or staring into darkness and consemplating suicide to free myself from this. Theres nothing more i can do or say to make people happy, i choose to turn everyones lives upside down for my pleasure i wish not to communticate with my own beings but the spirits that in me. This aint even fucking funny no more. My thoughts are becoming most complicated and confusing. I want him. i need him. but i do not have him, all this bullshit for nothing. Ha. i might aswell turn a fucking blind eye... devastation is in my blood. No more smiles and sunshine, i have images of slitting my throat and im on the floor. Death follows me, waiting for me, i know he wants me. But why isn't he near me, he has to go fuck off somewhere...

Im utterly confused. Call me weird and i say fuck you 'cause no one is normal, i have nothing left in my heart for no one 'cause all they do is spit on it with acidic lies. and tell fucking shit to me. I dont need this crap. constant thoughts arriving in my mind and soul, just need these feelings to go away. All i do everyday is think, but by the end of it i dont know what to fucking thought about. One kiss. One approach. i need weed bad. Get me outta hear, all i need is nature, never lies and never is fake. Beatiful people beautiful minds, love is an attraction from both sides, sex is an lustful counteraction, a kiss is a kiss. I cant believe the amount of friends i have that slit their wrists when they get dumped. Ive never been in love, ive only my boyfriends loving me. Cold hearted, hated and a peice of shit. blame my mother for my thoughts of myself. All i can do now is meditate.