G'day sports! How the flamin' 'ell are ya?

Since my last entry we have also undertaken the Australian leg of our world tour, playing Perth, Adelaide, Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane respectively, complete with the return of Charles Hedger on guitar, with James coming back for the forthcoming Finnish gig. It was pretty grueling on the traveling front, mainly because of the initial 23 hour flight to get there, where the jet-lag was continually being topped up by further internal flights, although these were on every other day, save for Sydney (where we played a row of two shows at the same venue).



"Backstage Sydney"
Plus the flights were all Quantas who can be extremely liberal with the booze, a brilliant recipe for terminal boredom and cramp. We actually managed to convince the air stewardesses on one flight to attend the show, as everyone we met in Australia seemed to be very friendly and habitually chatty. The promoters looking after us were also doing a great job of making us feel welcome and putting us up in some very nice hotels with inspiring views along the way. Their assistance also lent itself to at least one of us getting royally drunk of a night, most usually on the days off and ending in a hotel room awash with beer.



"In the belly of the beast; Bus antics Europe."

A few funny events included Martin in a Borat lime green Mankini, running around the hotel at five in the morning, having been reported to the staff for being a flasher and the promoter waking up the next morning to discover his shoes solidified in the freezer.


There was plenty of sight-seeing to be had too, with trips to the Sydney zoo and aquarium and windy rain-soaked boat journeys around the harbour. And it really does seem like Cradle Of Filth perpetually travel with a stormy black cloud bank towed behind us on a mythic length of twine, because immediately having reached the amicable borders of our loveable cousins Down Under, it started to really pour with rain big style. So much so, that it severely flooded parts of Australia, provoking a national state of emergency and exacerbating the swine flu epidemic, which also managed to bloom rapidly in our presence, rising from a handful of cases to the hundreds. Some lousy ambassadors we are!



"Fuck me! A sssssnnnnnaaaaakkkkeeee!!!!!!!!!!! Dani shits himself."

"Arrrrrrr."

No, really, we all had a really great time in Oz and it was a real pleasure to play to all our fans out there, despite having to leave the venues on a couple of occasions because of early check outs, which is always disheartening knowing people have been waiting patiently (in the drizzle) for us long after the show.



"View from the bar... Perth."

Oh and then there was the incident with me collapsing during the encore in Adelaide.
I'd been light -headed and dizzy due to jet-lag, three sleepless nights, fan-bought booze and a lack of appetite and my legs had just gone to jelly at the end of the main set. I was standing atop the riser when all of a sudden... Wham-bam-no-thank-you-Dan, I decided to get off to the monitor desk before I fell over completely, then collapsing in a heap by the stairwell to backstage. I was aiming to go back on for the remainder of the encore, (we were halfway through 'Cruelty...' when it happened) but the attendee nurse advised strongly against it, especially seeing as I was skittering about like a new-born foal. So apologies where they are due for the shortened, slightly instrumental set in Adelaide...


"Pedo bear oversees sound check in Brisbane."

Anyway, despite the weather and the inevitable jet-lag at both ends, it was an amazing visit, culminating in four final great shows and a jolly good insight into Koalas, airports, Kangaroo steaks and the rest of the amazing Aussie culture.



"Charles amid various sea beasties."

And now I am writing from my hotel room near Helsinki where we are due to headline the Kivenlahti rock festival tonight, with the weather outside looking slightly less grim as the day continues (what did I say about the rain-clouds following us? Apparently all week the weather here has been warm and sunny...). This morning we sound checked in the cold, drizzling rain and before that we sat around freezing our proverbial nuts off in a tent waiting for it to happen... Now it appears the sun is ever so slightly beginning to peer, so we might just get lucky on the dry front for the show. Mind you, I'll be wearing a few dozen t-shirts on my way down to the site if this perpetual cold keeps up.



"Tour manager Steve and Dani."

And that I guess is all when it comes to fulfilling my vow to let you all in on our latest escapades. Once again I humbly apologise for the lateness and irregularity of my correspondence, but now the majority of our touring commitments have been successfully accomplished, these little updates will start appearing all the more often.



"'But i don't like music...'"

From the poisoned nib of Count Backwerdz,
Godspeed On The Devil's Thunder...
Dani Filth, June 2009 EH



"This is the best day of my life! I'm a real swinger!"