Jokes

Who's got them?

 

Make me laugh.

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Permalink Reply by Kevin Hall on August 26, 2011 at 4:23
Awww ... I know ... but it's all new and exciting :P

Christine said:
Yeah right, you said that to me 2 hours ago. :p
Permalink Reply by Lizzy Filth Underhay on August 26, 2011 at 18:18

I have one my Dad told me:

 

One night a burglar broke into a house, while he was rummaging through the people's stuff he heard a voice saying 'Jesus is watching you' so he turned around and said 'who said that?'

He thought it was just his guilty conscience but he heard it again so he shone his torch around but all he could see was a parrot 'did you say that?' he said

 The parrot replied 'I just wanted you to know that Jesus is watching you'

The man said 'Who are you?'

'Moses'

'What kind of owners call their pet parrot Moses!?!'

 

'The kind of people who call their rottweiler Jesus.'

 

I thought it was good :)

Permalink Reply by Kevin Hall on August 26, 2011 at 18:36

Man was in a Pub having a few quiet drinks on his day off and his boss walks in and says,

"I'm tired of this, if you don't come to work Monday, don't bother coming in Tuesday!"

The man grabs his beer and says,

"OK, I'll see you Wednesday!"

Permalink Reply by Christine on August 26, 2011 at 18:42
Mwhahahahahahaaa!!!

Lizzy Filth Underhay said:

I have one my Dad told me:

 

One night a burglar broke into a house, while he was rummaging through the people's stuff he heard a voice saying 'Jesus is watching you' so he turned around and said 'who said that?'

He thought it was just his guilty conscience but he heard it again so he shone his torch around but all he could see was a parrot 'did you say that?' he said

 The parrot replied 'I just wanted you to know that Jesus is watching you'

The man said 'Who are you?'

'Moses'

'What kind of owners call their pet parrot Moses!?!'

 

'The kind of people who call their rottweiler Jesus.'

 

I thought it was good :)

Permalink Reply by Juan on August 27, 2011 at 4:54

I got a few , let me just give you two .

#1 )  So a lion and a cheetah are racing and the cheetah wins the race . The lion says to the cheetah " You a Cheetah !" and the Cheetah said "Nahh you Lion ! " .

#2) There's two guys sitting at a table eating . One guy is the owner of the house and another is a guest . Under the guest chair there's a dog named Suey . The guest says to himself " Damn i gotta fart..." Minutes later he thinks "Damnit ! I can hold it in any longer , i'ma let a little one out, see if he notices " He does as so. The owner says " Suey !" The guest thinks to himself "Yess , he thought it was the dog , ok i'l let a bigger one out" He does as so. The owner says "Sueyy !!" The guest says to himself  "Yes !! Ok i'm let it all out now " He does as so. The owner says " Suey ! , get out from under that chair that guys going to shit on you !! "

Enjoy !! =]

Permalink Reply by Fobos on August 27, 2011 at 5:37

Heard this one



Lizzy Filth Underhay said:

I have one my Dad told me:

 

One night a burglar broke into a house, while he was rummaging through the people's stuff he heard a voice saying 'Jesus is watching you' so he turned around and said 'who said that?'

He thought it was just his guilty conscience but he heard it again so he shone his torch around but all he could see was a parrot 'did you say that?' he said

 The parrot replied 'I just wanted you to know that Jesus is watching you'

The man said 'Who are you?'

'Moses'

'What kind of owners call their pet parrot Moses!?!'

 

'The kind of people who call their rottweiler Jesus.'

 

I thought it was good :)

Permalink Reply by Shawn on August 29, 2011 at 4:12
Whats the difference between a Cadillac and a thousand dead babies?

I don't have a cadillac in my garage
Permalink Reply by Shawn on August 29, 2011 at 4:15
Two guys are deciding about which pub to go out to for the night.
One guy goes to the other: "Hey, let's go to this awesome pub which I heard about! It's amazing! The locals there buy you as much alcohol as you can drink. And then, afterwards, they take you out the back, where you can have as much kinky sex as you want!"

The second guy says: "That's amazing! Who told you about this place?"

And the first guy replies: "My sister."
Permalink Reply by Shawn on August 29, 2011 at 4:25

Young Susan asks her dad if she can borrow the car. 
DAD: "Only if you suck my cock, Susan. You know the rules..."
Susan sighs and drops to her knees. Dad whips his unit out and she plants her lips around it. Instantly she recoils in disgust.
SUSAN: "Eurrghh! It tastes like shit!"
DAD: " Yeah, your brother wanted to borrow twenty bucks..."
Permalink Reply by Shawn on August 29, 2011 at 4:31
Why don't M&M's melt in Jesus' hands?

Because they fall through the holes.
Permalink Reply by Shawn on August 29, 2011 at 18:30
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?

Acne waits until you're 13 to cum on your face.

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