good jokes?
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Caliban Darklock on -
This is an old one, but many people find it the funniest joke in the world.
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods.
The bear says "Does shit ever stick to your fur?"
The rabbit says "No."
So the bear wipes his arse with the rabbit.
-
Permalink Reply by Shawn on -
your mom is so poor, I seen her walking down the street with one shoe on, I stopped her and asked, excuse me did you lose your shoe?, and she said no, I just found one
-
Permalink Reply by Filthyguitar on -
How do u get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy
-
Permalink Reply by Shawn on
-
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.
"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"
-
Permalink Reply by Shawn on
-
A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix!" The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said "I told you to watch out for the houses! All right, let's go up there, apologise and see how much this is going to cost."
They walked up, knocked on the door and heard a voice say "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said "Are you the people that broke my window?"
"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied.
"No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me! I'm allowed to grant three wishes, and I'll give you each one wish and keep the last one for myself."
"Wow, great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life!"
"No problem. It's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife. "I want a house in every country of the world!" she said.
"Consider it done!" the genie replied. "And what's your wish genie?" the husband asked.
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband looked at the wife and said "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses honey. I guess I don't care." The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. Afterwards, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said "How old is your husband anyway?"
"35." she replied.
"And he still believes in genies...that's amazing!"
-
Permalink Reply by Shawn on
-
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.
Well, he said, 'It's what mummy calls me sometimes'.
The little girl screams to her brother 'Don't eat it, it's an asshole.
-
Permalink Reply by Shawn on
-
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts.
Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them."
Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"
"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."
-
Permalink Reply by Shawn on
-
Two guys are stuck in the desert dying of thirst.
As they walk for days and finally see a little hut.
With the last of their strenght they run to the hut and knock on the door.
This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers.
The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink.
The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me."
The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fat smelly ass."
The second man wants to live and agree's to do the deed.
The second man and the women enter the hut, leaving the first man outside.
The women says, "fuck me then!"
The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes.
He looks around the hut and sees a table full of corn on the cob.
He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it out the window.
The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.
The man agrees and repeats the deed.
The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the man and his friend some water.
The man calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water.
The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that buttered corn."
-
Permalink Reply by Shawn on
-
This guy goes into a whorehouse and tells the mistress he wants to eat out a girl for the first time.
She sends him up and he meets this deadly blonde chick. She whips down her pants and he starts licking her poon.
Minutes later he feels something in his mouth and spits out a corn niblet.
Thinking this is normal, as he has never done it before continues eating her out.
Minutes pass and he finds a piece of carrot in his mouth. Still thinking this is normal he continues.
Soon after he finds a piece of meat and stands up.
"Excuse me miss, but are you sick?" She looks at him and replies "No, but the last guy was!"
-
Permalink Reply by Rev. Fenriz Ulven on -
LMAO >:D
Shawn said:This guy goes into a whorehouse and tells the mistress he wants to eat out a girl for the first time.
She sends him up and he meets this deadly blonde chick. She whips down her pants and he starts licking her poon.
Minutes later he feels something in his mouth and spits out a corn niblet.
Thinking this is normal, as he has never done it before continues eating her out.
Minutes pass and he finds a piece of carrot in his mouth. Still thinking this is normal he continues.
Soon after he finds a piece of meat and stands up.
"Excuse me miss, but are you sick?" She looks at him and replies "No, but the last guy was!"
-
Permalink Reply by Shawn on
-
Why I Fired My Secretary
Two weeks ago, was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway.
I went into breakfast, knowing my wife would be pleasant and say Happy Birthday and probably have a present for me.
She didn't even say Good Morning, let alone any Happy Birthday. I said, well, that's wives for you. The children will remember. The children came into breakfast and didn't say a word.
When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.
I worked until noon. About noon Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.
On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office. Do we?"
I said, "No, I guess not."
She said, "Let's go to my apartment."
After arriving at her apartment, we had another martini and smoked a cigarette and she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."
"Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and in about six minutes, she came out... ... carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife and children. All were singing Happy Birthday.
... and there on the couch I sat... ... with nothing on but my socks...
...and THAT'S why I fired my secretary
-
Permalink Reply by Shawn on
-
A man is going away for a few weeks to work and wants to get his wife a sex toy so she doesn't feel the urge to cheat on him.
At the shop he is approached by the shop owner asking him what he is looking for.
The man explains his situation and tells the owner he wants the best that money can buy.
"I have the perfect thing" he replies
"its called voodoo dick, all you have to do is say voodoo dick and any object or body part"
He goes on to say "voodoo dick coffee mug"
sure enough the 'voodoo dick' starts working away at his coffee mug
Extacic with his purchase the man rushes home to show his wife. Suprised and pleased the wife places it in her top drawer.
The next day the man goes away too work.
Gettin bored the wife gets out her new toy and says "voodoo dick vagina"
after screaming in orgasm the woman tries to stop the toy but after all the excitement forgot how to use it
In quiet a bit of pain she rushes to her car and heads for the hospital..
flying down the motorway at 100mph she is stopped by the police
"do you know why i stopped you maddam" the officer said
"yes" she screams "but its not me its this voodoo dick"
the officer in disbelief replies
"voodoo dick my ass"
© 2013 Created by ADMIN.
